my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He did a backflip because drugs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
