the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
