So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
