shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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