If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
