I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
