hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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