omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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