I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
