So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
