I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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