I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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