my phone needs a breathalizer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
