She is in my trunk
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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