I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
