Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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