ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What drink are we having for lunch?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
