who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
