my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
