so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
