My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
