did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
