if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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