If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
