Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
