you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
