Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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