Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My hand turned me down
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
