she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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