Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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