is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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