I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
