I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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