there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
