I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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