I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
