Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I bet he comes in French.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
