im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
