I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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