Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
