i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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