It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize