Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
