just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
