A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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