I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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