If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
