I'm jealous of your bromance
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
