Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize