My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
