The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just invented taco cereal.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
