Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
