How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
