I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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