they need to just BURY HIM!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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