I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My ATM looks so different sober.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
