I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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