when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
