You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize