i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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