Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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