it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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